Meaningfulness!

It has been months since I last wrote here. My thoughts had stopped I suppose, but no they didn't; they don't - these thoughts flutter in my mind "like a flock of persistent moths". However, these thoughts do not make sense most of the time. May be my mind is quite distrubed internally or unconsciously, something that I am yet to pin point. But, I have to put it out somewhere. It is important, I believe, to vomit such things out somewhere. Perhaps, it will help me clear the clutter in my mind - the clutter of repetitive thoughts that do not make any sense. Meaninglessness - that's what I am always worried about. Living a life without meaning, doing 'ibadah without meaning, worshipping, believing, helping, even talking without meaning, without any weight - such is my obsession, should I say, with having meaning to what I do or what I think or what I am, that I didn't want to write anything on any of my blogs that didn't have any weight or meaning to it.

Chalo acha hai! I have resumed my writing. By the time, I am writing this line now, I already feel much relieved to have put it down in words and also to have resumed my blogging.

Allah Hafiz!

Silence......

At once I felt I knew what it was.
There was this connection,
Her eyes I looked into
And the way she looked back.
It was enough to communicate
And her eyes said she knew
That I fully understood what she meant
No words were exchanged
Only eyes that laughed
Followed by the laughter ears could hear
And so much was said
Yet words were none
Nor do I even have a word to tell
Completely what she said
And she knew that I knew
That she understood what I
Wanted to say at that moment...
So beautiful was this relation
Where souls talked to each other, I feel
Without the limited human words.


(Dedicated to a very dear friend)

... one look

"That one look of yours spoke more than a thousand words could..."

......

Unresolved feelings, unreconciled emotions
Unspeakable pain, unmissable strain
In your words I sense
In your eyes I see
The air grew thick
I was breathing bricks
Was it only my thought,
Or was it happening actually?
Never were u so quiet
Never did u look so distant
A disappointment in ur voice
An uneasiness in ur mannerism.
Were these only my illusions,
Or were these for real?

The Return

4th September 2011

Hello

It's been a while, I know. A long, long break.
Actually, it skipped my mind that I even maintain a blog. :/
That's weird, because I love writing down whatever I have on my mind. Well, I think it was probably due to my MBA dissertation that took so much of my time and energy. Yes, I have completed not just my dissertation but even my course. I am an MBA now, thank God!! :-)
Well, that's the good part. The sad part is that I had to leave the United Kingdom and come back to India. I loved Cardiff, and I miss it very much and my friends there.
As all Indian stories go, now that I have completed my post graduate degree, I have to find a job, quickly! That's how it goes here. And that's right as well. How long am I gonna depend on my parents! They are tired. Even they deserve a good rest, a peaceful life, away from the financial tensions.
So that's my current situation now: I am in Hyderabad, looking for a job, searching at online only at the moment and hope and pray to find one soon.

I am gonna stay in touch with myself now by keep writing. InshaAllah! :)

A passing thought

A passing thought

a flickering flame.....

Thought I capture it here before it extinguishes. 

Music.... this is what I am thinking about right now. How does it have so much power to move people to tears, at least it does that to me when I listen to certain songs... 

What is it that its in music that connects with your brain so beautifully? 

Listen to some lecture, I guarantee that you could hardly remember more than 50% of what you heard only if you liked it... well that's my case. That percentage may vary from person to person. But listen to same ideas in a song, I bet you will remember more than your usual percentage. 

Another thought that goes through my mind is more related to the apparent ban of music in Islam, or at least that is what I have been hearing since childhood. Then I have read about Muslim philosophers like Al-Farabi writing about music. Then now there is Sami Yusuf that is sometimes subject of criticism by some Muslim ulema, and then there are so many other singers singing what they call nasheed. So I think Music per se is not banned in Islam. And the discourse here is not of lawful or unlawful, it is rather of ethical or unethical, this is my view: where does the music starts become unethical? This is what should be looked at, not that the entire music be banned when it can and does contribute so much positively.

Just a flickering flame of thought in my mind.....  

So let me go...

I was all alone 

when I first arrived

I was a bit afraid too

a bit unsure

of my decision

I had left very less

behind me.

What I was looking forward for

I was only partially sure

What I got here 

was nothing I thought I would

Never felt so elated 

as I did here then.

Hardly remember when I was last so joyful 

as I was here then.

Felt like my feet

were so light

they barely touched 

the earth.

I was so looking forward

to get back home,

to tell what I have found here,

feeling proud to be in this place

with such lovely friends.

I couldn't help

not speaking

of the kind of happiness 

that I was getting here.

I couldn't wait 

to get back 

and complete the rest

of my days here.

And I was back

but it was all black;

the place had

lost its shine.

And as time passed

it got darker.

I was growing desperate

to find a glow,

to find that silver lining

in the jungle of dark cloudes.

Finally,

I did find some hope

a distant lighthouse.

Finally, 

something to anchor to

and spend

the rest of the days

happily.

Little did I know

that it was too quick

too childish,

a result of my desperation

I guess.

It broke,

and with it, 

it took away 

what was left of 

the earlier days.

And I was left

all alone again.

Now I have to get back

I have to go

so let me go...

I don't want to

have any hard feelings

for I had 

such happy and good feelings

for everyone.

I want to

keep them locked

in my heart,

and go....

so let me go...Yes I want to go,

to go back to the very little

that I had left back,

it is, as I realize

after all

also the most precious gift

that I had left behind.

So let me go....

before I break further

so much that

I cannot stand

so much that

I cannot even speak

So let me go....

so let me go....