A passing thought

A passing thought

a flickering flame.....

Thought I capture it here before it extinguishes. 

Music.... this is what I am thinking about right now. How does it have so much power to move people to tears, at least it does that to me when I listen to certain songs... 

What is it that its in music that connects with your brain so beautifully? 

Listen to some lecture, I guarantee that you could hardly remember more than 50% of what you heard only if you liked it... well that's my case. That percentage may vary from person to person. But listen to same ideas in a song, I bet you will remember more than your usual percentage. 

Another thought that goes through my mind is more related to the apparent ban of music in Islam, or at least that is what I have been hearing since childhood. Then I have read about Muslim philosophers like Al-Farabi writing about music. Then now there is Sami Yusuf that is sometimes subject of criticism by some Muslim ulema, and then there are so many other singers singing what they call nasheed. So I think Music per se is not banned in Islam. And the discourse here is not of lawful or unlawful, it is rather of ethical or unethical, this is my view: where does the music starts become unethical? This is what should be looked at, not that the entire music be banned when it can and does contribute so much positively.

Just a flickering flame of thought in my mind.....  

So let me go...

I was all alone 

when I first arrived

I was a bit afraid too

a bit unsure

of my decision

I had left very less

behind me.

What I was looking forward for

I was only partially sure

What I got here 

was nothing I thought I would

Never felt so elated 

as I did here then.

Hardly remember when I was last so joyful 

as I was here then.

Felt like my feet

were so light

they barely touched 

the earth.

I was so looking forward

to get back home,

to tell what I have found here,

feeling proud to be in this place

with such lovely friends.

I couldn't help

not speaking

of the kind of happiness 

that I was getting here.

I couldn't wait 

to get back 

and complete the rest

of my days here.

And I was back

but it was all black;

the place had

lost its shine.

And as time passed

it got darker.

I was growing desperate

to find a glow,

to find that silver lining

in the jungle of dark cloudes.

Finally,

I did find some hope

a distant lighthouse.

Finally, 

something to anchor to

and spend

the rest of the days

happily.

Little did I know

that it was too quick

too childish,

a result of my desperation

I guess.

It broke,

and with it, 

it took away 

what was left of 

the earlier days.

And I was left

all alone again.

Now I have to get back

I have to go

so let me go...

I don't want to

have any hard feelings

for I had 

such happy and good feelings

for everyone.

I want to

keep them locked

in my heart,

and go....

so let me go...Yes I want to go,

to go back to the very little

that I had left back,

it is, as I realize

after all

also the most precious gift

that I had left behind.

So let me go....

before I break further

so much that

I cannot stand

so much that

I cannot even speak

So let me go....

so let me go....

Eid Party

Eid Sa'eed!
Eid Mubarak!

This was my first Eid away from home! I had an odd feeling - no one from the family to meet up with, nobody to go to after the prayer. Anyhow it wasn't without some relief, which is that I didn't have to run around the city distributing meat to all my extended family members.
I had this dissertation proposal to submit on the next day of the Eid. Really, I wasn't feeling like writing anything on that day but I had to. It accounted 60% of one of my module's marks! So I had to sit it through till the end after the Eid prayer.
But, yes I did celebrate the Eid here, after the submission. Yesterday, me and my friends prepared Biryani and Sheer Khorma. I just love it! Friends came over and they liked it! :) I hope they really did, because frankly, I was not satisfied with the taste of Biryani. Anyway, it was my very first attempt to make it and it was not bad!
InshaAllah, I'm gonna try that again some day! All in all it was good day and we all had fun! :)

Finally I'm feeling a bit more okay here now!

Movie Pass and The Facebook

October 23, 2010

Yes it is. I’ve got my unlimited movie pass here. Well, I find it a good deal to pay 13.5 a month and watch unlimited movies. Also there is this autumn season movies coming up. Many of them seem to be just too good to ignore. I have already watched 2 movies in 3 days after I made the pass the day before yesterday. So I think it won’t be a problem for me and that it won’t be a waste of money.

And today, I saw the movie The Social Network. Awesome movie it is. A Harvard graduate coming up with this online community that has sort of changed the internet world. Not just the internet world, but it changed the way we communicate with each other. Facebook fits into the mindscape of a person. That’s why people find it so easy to get along with it. Many have become addicted to it! While watching the movie I was wondering what I was doing in those months when Mark Zuckerberg was building this phenomenon. Oh yeah! I had just started my undergrads. I felt so insignificant at that moment. I was like, “what am I doing here, when such persons are achieving glory and making history?”

The thought is still there. Anyway, it was a nice movie all in all. I had a great time watching it. After I came back home, and when I opened the facebook website, the first thing I searched for was to find the name of founder and co-founder on its website, ha-ha!  I thought of writing something about the movie, but I found it kinda weird to write as my status about the movie that was about the Facebook! So I just wrote the name of it. 

Who moved my cheese?

October 13, 2010

Who moved my cheese?
It was long ago when I first read that book. I wondered at that time was it even worth reading. I thought probably it was for others but not for me. I didn't even have an idea what it was talking about. However, I think I know now.

I realized the day I entered the new campus on the first day of the second semester that things are not the same anymore. Not just things, I realized even people seem no longer the same. Worse, even friends seem to have changed! I hope it's not true but that's what it appears to me. I really wish it's not true!

When I came back all excited from Hyderabad, I rushed to the nearby mosque at the time of prayer. After 3 months of hearing the same Qira'at (recitation of the Qur'an) at my home town mosque, which was not so attractive, I was desperate to listen to the melody that I used to listen to here before summers. Yet, when I entered the mosque, things changed there too! It looked as if the committee of the mosque has changed or something has happened that I do not see the previous Imaam anymore in the mosque. Instead, there was a new Imaam. He was simply that typical Imaam that I so do not like. Even his Qira'at was simply rhetoric. And in the Friday sermon, only God knows what he was speaking. It was all nonsense to me!

Sigh! I just feel so out of place here. Or am I over reacting??
Things change! It's normal, but it's so unacceptable to me. I don't know what to do to gain back my sanity.
May be I should just accept everything or simply ignore everything!
God! Please help!

Oops!!

10th October 2010

Oh God!
Too much of work is it?
or am I just getting busy doing nothing?
I forgot to write my journal. Hmmm, well at least I remembered it now.

There is not too much going on here in Cardiff right now, but there is studies related work I have to do.
The temperatures keep fluctuating everyday. It was raining yesterday, it's sunny today but windy. Autumn has started to set in now. Leaves are turning golden and yellow.

Anyway, I'm still trying to settle down here. I don't know why I feel so out-of-place here after coming from Hyderabad. Hopefully, I'll again find something that will keep me grounded here and start feeling comfortable again.

Semester 2: First week

September 30, 2010

It’s after 6 days that I’m writing again. The past week (or rather the continuing one) has been not as I wished it to be, honestly. The classes resumed from Monday as per the schedule but I felt as is something was missing. I didn’t or I couldn’t feel that spark that makes me concentrate in the class and on the lecture. I don’t know why it was like that. One of friend said that I looked worried. Hmmm. I really don’t know whether I was. But yes I was disturbed. May be it was because Veda was leaving or I was probably not ready for the studies yet or probably the summer vacation was too long and the holiday feeling didn’t leave me. Consequently I wasn’t feeling right. I’ve to prepare myself now for the coming week!

And yes, Veda has left Cardiff for good. It was yesterday when we all bid her goodbye. It was painful! I really miss her. It was only few days before the summer vacations that we got so close, but they were somehow enough to leave a mark on my memory. It would take a long to get the feeling off. Anyhow, I can’t forget her. Actually I don’t want to! I pray for her and wish her all the best for whatever she does in her life ahead. J

Today, I met Halleh. My nice, beautiful friend, Halleh, is an Iranian, doing her MA (film) from University of Wales, Newport. This one girl really inspires to me go ahead and achieve my goals. I met after all the days of summer vacation, visited her place (such a nice home she’s got) and went to a movie (Eat Pray love) with her. It was good to see her. Hope to meet her again! J